Bethany.

"So you see yourself as a revolving door:
a place people keep passing through
but never want to stay.
You get used to the idea of impermanence–
never fall in love without an exit strategy,
a way to untangle your heart
when they leave you.
(And they always leave you.
That part, at least,
is constant.)
When you become, instead, a dead end,
a back alley, a Do Not Enter,
they want to know why you are suddenly
unavailable.
You show them hands calloused
from all this giving–ask if they have ever loved
a day in their life, ask
why everything you had was
never enough to satisfy.
Trouble is, you see yourself as a peace offering:
a willing body meant to keep the quiet
quiet.
And you throw yourself at every open mouth.
So your method of coping looks more like
taking your body to market
just to see who’s willing to buy it.
This is how you give yourself up in pieces, but
never notice what you’re missing.
It’s how you use sex as just
another way to hurt yourself.
How you become nameless in the face
of all the things you want in parts and pieces
but refuse to accept in full.
Love becomes a fairy tale that scares you.
Kisses, safe only in small doses–it’s dangerous
to get attached to the things that never
want you.
Or worse,
the ones who want to keep you:
like an animal, like a trophy, like
bragging rights.
When all you’ve ever wanted is somebody
who would keep you
like a promise."

STAY by Ashe Vernon (via latenightcornerstore)

And they always leave you..

"This is a backwards love poem.
This is a–fuck, you fell in love with me and
I didn’t want you to and I’m bad
at setting boundaries.
This is a–I feel guilty when I talk to you
even though I know your feelings are not
my responsibility.
This is a–I’m not used to being on this end
of the problem
poem.
The worst part about all this is that
I recognize the look you’re giving me and
I know what it feels like and I wish
my heart weren’t so tied up in fisherman’s knots
so that I could give you the answer you’re looking for.
But I don’t know anything that scares me
half as much
as being loved does.
This is the part where I put space between us,
not because I want to, but because I don’t know
how not to. My version of being careful
with your feelings includes
ducking out in the middle of the night
and never coming back.
It involves turning a bad memory
into an exit wound
and taking off with blood on my hands.
The problem is, I don’t expect anyone
to ever fall in love with me, but
I keep trying to fall in love
with everyone."

IRRATIONAL FEAR OF BEING WANTED by Ashe Vernon (via latenightcornerstore)